Has it been made to appease my peers or to honor God? Can a decision do both? I think yes. Should the motivation be for both? That is what I’d like to answer.
Speaking with a friend in the school’s parking lot, I began to unwind how taking one bold step after another sometimes creates perceived anticipation of the next bold move. I truly do not feel that any single person has influenced my desire to live on the edge for Christ, to be an adventurer of God’s heart for the nations. The adventurer spirit, I believe to be a beautiful part of my innate being, as God created me. It parallels and submits to the detailed vision He has shared with me for the future ministry, in such an awe-inspiring way. Every country I visit, every culture I experience, every family I dine with, ever life I work to save, Jesus teaches me more about His Family, about the Father’s love for His Children and Christ’s love for His Bride.
But, as I have confessed before, travel for me has often kept me from settling. In singleness there is an array of ministry that is difficult later in life. Travel, spontaneity is one of those things. That does not give me the privilege for accepting one new adventure and running to the next before fully investing in the present God has before me.
That is where I am…in the present.
Although people did not ask, “What is your next big move?” It has been implied, “Big things are ahead of you.” And I am grateful. Boldness for the Lord, fervency in prayer, and belief in His power at work within me are characteristics I long to grow in as long as I have breath, and then perfectly illustrate as I continue in life with Him.
The expectation then, was me upon myself, asking: “What is the next big move?” “India.” “Okay, go get it. The time is now. No hesitations.”
Discernment. Truly God has equipped us with the ability to choose the God-honoring path (2 Peter 1:3, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Hebrews 5:14).
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Romans 12:2).
Jesus is our Good Teacher, and will continue to teach us His way. The Spirit of God is within us and continues to guide us. God the Father adores His Creation and is tenderly near to His Children. But He is justified in all His actions, including not making every choice clear.
We have the ability to discern. He has given us the knowledge and in faith we are able to align ourselves with Christ. As we transform ourselves into His image, our actions and speech resemble His more and more. When we are perfectly aligned with Him, we will be in celebration in Heaven.
For now, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to shout out into the clouds, “Shoot God,” with a joyous undertone of repentance, “how foolish I have been. I desire to honor You!”
The decision that was made this time…
Christ has rooted me in this city (New Orleans) and continuing to put my life on pause here while I start another adventure wasn’t working out, and with reason. I have no doubt.
I was lying on my cross, aside the raging waves from a boat just passing by, when I felt complete freedom. I had just surrendered India.
I know I will continue to pray for the people, be in better communication with missionaries that are there, deepen relationships here with Indian Hindus, Muslims, and Christians to get a better understanding of the culture, and commit next summer (if God continues to lead me there) to counseling.
This summer was going to provide me the opportunity of exploring the country and experiencing the culture to better serve my ability to properly counsel youth-at-risk and street children and their families upon a return trip next summer.
Making the contact in person over this summer made sense to me, it’s logical. But I know our God to be fully capable. If He does continue to lead me to India, He will make the connection.
What does this mean for now?
I am officially, actually, looking for work. I praise God that I am driven to find fellowship and ministry before work, and that He has provided for me to be able to transition into life in New Orleans in such a way. But now, I can celebrate, for no part of me is holding back. I am committing to the church and to the community of New Orleans. This is my ministry field.
Please pray with me as I find the servant role in a foster/adopt program of sort, where I can be planted. I hope to work in whatever position now and as I continue in my program to be able to counsel foster and newly adoptive parents as they transition and love their new child(ren).
Content, but not stopping here. It is a beautiful thing that our God is so perplex. There is peace in stillness and yet, stillness does not keep us from fortified work. We are in the darkness as His hands and feet, and yet, we are never engulfed in the darkness.
It is only in God that these things are made possible. And it is in God, in whom, I call out to and turn my questioning into praise.
LORD, I know that You are present in all things. As I make decisions, You are aware of my motives. Oh, how I wish I could admit that everything I do is pleasing to You. I know I fall short. I am not perfect. Thank You for Your patience with me, Lord. May I continue to be rooted in You. Separate from the world, but not in fear of the world. I know You are Almighty, and it is Your power that I call upon in prayer. I ask for courage. You speak highly of those who speak with boldness for Your Name. I know that I hold my tongue at times when You say speak. And other times, I speak, and You say ‘refrain.’ Oh Spirit within me, submit to the Father, be bold, be obedient, be honoring. This is my prayer to You today, and I thank you that this conversation will continue as You grow me and transform me. Renew my mind. One day I will look at a reflection and see the face of Jesus, and there is praise to be heard for that. We lift Your name, Jesus. Selah.
gratifying adventure 