Archive for March, 2013

March 5, 2013

Having recognized the severity of my blog postings to the public being well practically at a negative influential holding, I will express pure, honest reflection of today’s occurrences.

I had the privilege of running out of the office today to answer a phone call I receive about once every five months.

In the last few months I have come to recognize that out of everyone I know in the world, I have come to love and respect my father more than any other.  This realization came after concluding Tim Keller’s Self-Forgetfulness, a bold account of Paul’s acts for humanity.  Upon my next visit to California, my parents gifted me with a Crepe lunch (a reminder of my European lifestyle).  At the restaurant I had a few moments alone with my father and politely asked, “Dad, do you know who the Apostle Paul is?”  He, who admitted his belief of the scientific theory of evolution above a divine interference for the first time during my time in Florence merely a 18 months ago, insisted he had not known of such a man.

I continued on to share the heart of service the Apostle Paul attributed to my father, claiming a relation between the two men’s lifestyles.  Although my dad had not known the Love of Forgiveness of God, his passion in life is to bring joy to others through allowing them to experience life in ways beyond their immediate means.  He does this through travel and credit analysis and advice giving.

I complimented my father that day, and yet, it hadn’t soaked in entirely until this past Thursday. At a Women’s Ministry event at my Denver church, a growth group leader asked, “Who is that is hardest to love in your life?”

My initial thought led me to the remembrance of my grandfather’s death in 2010 which led to my telling my mother “I love you” for the first time in a nine-year span.  I acknowledged that my mother’s lifestyle is nothing that I desire for myself and therefore had a difficult time respecting the lack of community involvement in her life–leading to a lack of respect for my mother, completely.  Although I said the words at that time, they were said in an attempt to comfort a broken heart.  Since facing the reality that I am more like my parents than I imagined–purely in regards to academic success–I have come to ask for their advice, comfort, shelter and encouragement.

I know that my father would sacrifice ANYTHING for his little girl.  A genuine cliché, but a dear reality check for my soul.

So.. if it is not those who do not know the love of God, who is the hardest to love? For me, it is the people I once considered mentors, accountability partners, siblings in the Body of Christ who have consistently abused my love of service and left me dry.

Today, today is a good day.  The day of a blessed phone call.  I know what I respect most and it is transparency.

When God first took over my life five years ago, I quickly came to know the game of brokenness.  It is very true that in a broken state, God can pick us up, carry His children, and lift our eyes towards His restoration.  But everyone is broken.  The difference is, not everyone is willing to open their lives as a testament of God’s masterful design.

The man on the other end of the phone call… well, God and I have spoken intimately about this man. He has been altered.  And in the midst of despair, he claims ” I know, but I do not believe.”  God does not fear our wretched words, our frightful desires, or the cry of a man giving up.  Instead, in that moment, God does not claim the title of rescuer, but Father, Friend, Encourager, and Confidant.

Bob Dylan claimed “knock, knock, knockin’ on Heaven’s door,” but after finishing a Spirit-lifting conversation, God met me in a moment of vulnerability, to say, ” It is an open invitation I have sent you.  You can never become an annoyance, a burden. I chose you.”

The ability to be open, honest, silent, loud, crude, rude, aware..real with God.  To know that He is there, ” a rock I may not always stand on, but know is always there,” said the man on the other end.


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