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Archive for October, 2015

I haven’t written in a few months, because I haven’t known what my voice looks like in this context, for this new stage in my life.

In speaking of the Apostle Paul’s many self-disclosures, James R. Beck writes, “through all of these self-disclosures runs a strong thread of confidence anchored in God Himself” (The Psychology of Paul, 2002, p. 96)

I know that I am confident in God through sharing His presence and what He does in my life, and now through my partnership with Stephen in living a life of worship as we head towards uniting in a covenant relationship one day; however, I never want this to be a place I unload.  So I am still prayerful of: what angle, Lord? what is the voice I am to share?  I’ve never hesitated to write when You speak.  I speak boldly of who You reveal Yourself to be through Stephen’s actions, his words, his love for me expressed to persons I know well and even those I met only moments ago.  You are so good to me, and I walk in Your many blessings.  Thank You Lord.  And yet, here, in this place….I hesitate.  This is not my journal to You.  I do not know the hearts of those whose eyes glance upon the screen.  You have been received before through the transparency on this page, and I know You will continue to receive praise for who You are in me, through me, and in the lives of those reading these very words.  And yet….I hesitate.  Sort this out in me, Jehovah.  Make Your way known. 

So for now, this is what I can offer:

Something BIG has happened, and led up to this weekend of my parents flying into New Orleans for less than 27 hours to meet my boyfriend.

I suppose this is a little introduction into the man Stephen is after God’s own heart, the woman he sees me to be in Christ, and how we minister in the lives of those gathered around us.  It also serves as a springboard for exploring the bridging of relationships between nuclear family and future family.

The Lord invited me into this weekend with the foundation of assuring His presence, His authority, an overview of His greater character (Psalm 136):

641“Oh give thanks unto Jehovah; for he is good; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever.

Oh give thanks unto the God of gods; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever.

Oh give thanks unto the Lord of lords; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever:

To him who alone doeth great wonders; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever…

Who remembered us in our low estate; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever;

And hath delivered us from our adversaries; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever…

Oh give thanks unto the God of heaven; For his lovingkindness endureth for ever.”

The Lord endureth forever.  He revealed Himself quite clearly.  And this promise is indeed a life-time and beyond kind of guarantee.  We have His love, His mercy, His reign, His deliverance, His goodness for all our lives through the (countless) days we spend in His presence amongst all His Family in Heaven.

By the end of the weekend, which followed a week of me being present with (only) my parents in Maine, Stephen addressed the “hiccups” and things he loved about our shared time.  For me, the time spent with my parents also affirmed so much of what I had analyzed about myself and family history since beginning the years of intense self-analysis that a graduate counseling program requires of its’ students.

After it was all said and done, the song on my heart remains:

“His love endures forever and ever.                                                                                                                           Lord, Your love endures forever.”

LORD, I call out to You as LORD, for it is Your supremacy that is required in this plea.  Guide us to understand how to speak continuously of You, to delight in You in ways that transcend the language barrier between those who love You and those who have no understanding of You.  As Stephen and I speak of ministry, of love, of freedom, of healing, of a life of worship, might my parents grow to have ears to hear.  Your grace is upon us, it blesses us, and allows us to move forward.  Thank You for grace.  We apologize for taking the defense.  Might we move forward in speaking highly of You in a way that makes sense to them, but does not belittle who You are in us as individuals and as a united front.  I ask that Your army is stirred up, prepared to go to battle on their knees.  I pray that Stephen and I, too, are on our knees depending on You for provisions.  You have said this is good, a blessing to be enjoyed. En-joy.  In joy, we dance.  In joy, we sing. In joy, we lean in.  We are leaning into You.  Thank You sacred King, You are mighty and Your lovingkindness endureth forever. 

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