Haste not rash.
Ever get to the fork in the road and make what felt the best decision for then, and perhaps not for the eternal plan of God?
I did.
Both forks–or perhaps this was a 5-way intersection in my life–seemed to honor the call of God on my life and serve as a time to grow in understanding of His Word for application in the future.
I made the choice. With that choice, I was given vision for ministry and for community. By faith, I believed I would have a roommate. By faith, I believed I would have a job. By faith, I believed the LORD was calling me into a calm environment and would infuse my life with knowledge, hospitality skills, and responsibilities.
I asked to walk on water, and it was said to me, that this move was my water. I took a bold step. But was that Jesus’ only answer for me?
In creating a life in Charlotte, packing my car and traveling 2/3 of the way across the country I have come to see a need. With the thoughts flowing through my head in a methodic, visual way these past hours, I find myself believing God knows how to glorify Himself.
If I were to stay with the initial plan of the past months, I would have a house as a smaller scale retreat center, with a room of solitude, and a yard filled with worship and praise. The ministry: inviting people from the city who don’t feel safe or welcomed in the church and allowing them the place to revel in God’s glory. He would have been pleased.
I am not concrete on my personal theological undertaking of this concept, but believe God accepted my plan B, but now, I’ve returned to His plan A.
If I make this decision, as I believe I am, God will bring me into intimidating environments, intimate fellowship, and beautiful community worship. The ministry already is here. I am not creating anything. It exists, and there is a need.
Months ago, I stood on the shore day after day asking for boldness. I wanted to walk on water into the unknown, with the faith in Jesus that would not let me sink.
Walking the streets, making God known to the girls in human trafficking in this city, praying with a school that knows the desperation of this city, and tending to the ground with a woman who knows hospitality. God has created this without my brain getting in the way.
Charlotte, for me, I rationalized and made work for the kingdom of God in my life. New Orleans, just happened. I’d never been here before. Although the city has been in my prayers since reading David Platt’s Radical last April, I did not search for my place here.
It was introduced to me yesterday morning. I simply asked God to put my thoughts at bay by showing me there was not a counseling program at the seminary. There is. I called, He moved people to work diligently for five hours straight. I have been asking for community, there is. I have been asking to maintain and grow my heart for serving human trafficking victims, He is. I have asked for opportunity to care for the ground with tenderness in preparation for the gardens and groves of the future retreat house, it’s here.
My favorite theological philosophy on finances comes from centuries ago. A man, who maintained a life of service to the church all his life, vowed to honor God with all his money after a certain amount. As his income grew, his offerings grew. He never increased in size of housing, in wardrobe, or in fine dining. Rather, he saw the blessings given to him and paid them forward to his community. That man was John Wesley.
This is a vow I hope to take. I recognize my life is far different and the necessities of it don’t permit such a vow. However, a house for ministry while still paying off my undergraduate studies was a far cry from this desire. Living in a dormitory, in my mid-twenties, resembles this desire just a bit more.
I appreciate all your dedicated prayers and thoughts. Please feel affirmed. The church has prayed me into ministry and here, here there is a need. As I told my pastor, “my hands, knees, and feet will be plenty dirty.”
Where before, I settled (according to my father) on a calm environment for my studies, here it has been revealed and prayed over me: Shalom. Peace. Clarity.
“And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters” (Romans 8:27-29).
Yes Lord, I will follow you. You are my greatest joy and under your provision, I celebrate this desire to obey and live with You.
Jesus, I thank thee. You have allowed my ears to be open and I have received your call. Although I do not survive on the approval from others, I thank thee, for I have the support and encouragement of people who love me, who love You. Jesus, as these hands and feet work diligently to serve you, I ask I see this place with Your eyes. May I never judge, as I am unworthy of such a thing. May I embrace. As you have wept over Your city, I too have wept for the girls, the boys, the families, who feel stuck, abused, imprisoned. Jesus, Your name alone gives such authority, and by Your guidance, I have turned my cheek and am walking, to what I perceive, to be Your voice. Thank you that whichever path I did choose, that You made it a means to bring glory to Your Kingdom. God, thank you for revealing to me, in this short time, the initial plan. I do believe You had all this written in Your Book long, long ago. Thank you for letting me read that first line of this chapter. Praise be to Your name my Mighty Savior. Rescue this city. I continue to ask for boldness, for peace, and for clarity. But, Father, I am eternally grateful for all You have revealed to me, through me. Amen.